APRIL 8, 2009
Kauffman Leads Early - Never Looks Back

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - Lance Kauffman posted a stellar round in the first group of the day, and knew he didn't even need to hang around to find out that he was the winner.  Kauffman posted a 4 under 32 that was good enough for a 2 shot victory over the rest of the field.  He earned his first career tournament victory and the coveted green jacket.  Kauffman's playing partner, Mike High, was astounded at the round he witnessed.  "It seemed like every hole, I was hitting it great, trying to make birdies, and Lance was chasing the ball all over the course.  Then he'd hit an incredible chip and sink a par put.  With every hole, I got more discouraged, and he got more ENcouraged."

Kauffman was unfazed by the bumpy greens- greens that drew the ire of much of the field. "I may never play this goat ranch again," said Paul Svoboda.  Masters officials were said to be disturbed by this type of outspoken criticism, and at press time had contacted the FTT COMMITTEE for possible disciplinary action against Svoboda and others.

The tour continues next week at the Verizon Heritage.  Look for new Verizon employees to shine at their own company's flagship event.

APRIL 15, 2009
Boling for Dollars - Boling wins the Verizon Heritage

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - Kent Boling took advantage of favorable weather and an early tee time to win his first event of 2009 by firing a 41 (net 33) to win the Verizon Heritage.  "It's great to win, especially after the scrutiny I received last year from the COMMITTEE," Boling said.  
"I'll dedicate this one to my blades and the mysterious unnamed members of the COMMITTEE!"

Eerily missing from the tournament field this week were Little Rock's Verizon employees.  An employee, speaking on condition of anonymity, cited how this was a huge risk during the transition with Alltel. 

"Verizon Management really built this local tournament up, and to not have their own a part of it?  Wow, things are going to be interesting around the office over the next week.  I mean, as co-founder of the tournament, it's almost inconceivable for Jonathan Stockett not to be there."

With or without Verizon staff, play did go on.  Kent's score of a net -3 easily takes the headline in an otherwise bleak afternoon of scoring.  The weather could not have been more Augusta-like in April, but no player could manage to break 40.  Doug Tapp, winner of the low gross, responded surprised when told of his low gross score of 41.

"What!  This is an April Fools joke, right?"  No Doug, it's all relative.  Your birdie on #3 sealed the deal in the scorecard playoff with Kent Boling and Adam Jordan.  Atta boy.

"I blew it," Jordan said.  "This is the second week in a row I dump it in the water on #9.  I don't know what I was doing taking dead aim at a back right pin.  Everyone I've ever known would tell me to aim left center and play my fade.  Remind me never to go to Golf HQ the day before a FTT event and get a lesson on the launch monitor. I mean, who in their right mind would listen to a golf store salesman's breakdown of their swing and spin rate?  My swing is totally jacked right now."

Play resumes next week at the Zurich Classic of New Orleans

APRIL 22, 2009
STOCKETT DEMOLISHES TOUR RECORDS - COASTS TO VICTORY

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - Jonathan Stockett set tour records for birdies in a round (5), putts (10), and gross score (31) as he breezed to a victory in the Zurich Classic on Wednesday.  This incredible round was Stockett's first on tour this year, and serves as a wake up call for the rest of the players.

When Stockett was asked about firing the 31, he said "it was surreal.  The feeling was a lot like living through that tornado a couple years ago.  There was a peace and calmness that came over me that was very unfamiliar and strange."  "I have to agree," playing partner Adam Jordan said.  "The guy was placid.  It was like you see in the movies when they're showing an alien that has come to earth.  They look like a normal human being, but there's something there that real humans see that just doesn't add up.  You can't quite put your finger on it, but you know something is different.  That was Stockett Wednesday... completely out of this world."

Birdies at 1, 3, 5, 7, and 8 led to the record breaking gross and net rounds, but up and downs at 2, 4 and 9 sealed it.  10 putts on 9 holes didn't hurt either.

"Adam and I just kept looking at each other in disbelief as each putt fell," Marquez said.  "It was amazing to watch.  Amazing, painful, beautiful, and disheartening.  All of those things.  At the same time."

Stockett added "Just think what it must be like to be a real pro and to score like this week in and week out.  To quote our beloved coach at Ole Miss, it's speciahhhl."

Play continues next week at the Quail Hollow Championship.

APRIL 29, 2009
TWITTY HANGS ON FOR WIN IN SCORECARD PLAYOFF.

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - Paul Twitty posted a net 3 under early in the day on Wed to win the Quail Hollow Championship, winning a scorecard playoff with Jay Trieschmann who also posted 3 under.

It was a day of mixed emotions for Twitty.  "On one hand, I was focused on my golf game, but at the same time, I could not stop thinking about the swine flu.  The Mexican tamales that I had for lunch were weighing heavy on my mind and my intestines."  Twitty was able to gut it out anyway to secure the victory.

Trieschmann continued his solid play by posting his 2^nd top 3 finish in only 3 weeks of play.  "You know, I just try to grind out a number each week and see what happens.   I don't know what else to do."

In other news, Mike High shot a 39 for what seems like the 100^th time.  When asked about his consistent play, High simply replied "I've asked the committee to revamp the scoring system.   It simply does not suit my game.   It seems I'm too consistent for this league."  Someone overheard a committee member telling High to go low and stop whining, but this has not been confirmed.

High was trying desperately to recapture some of the magic that he used to shoot 77 at Augusta National last week.    "It was the chance of a lifetime." said High.  "I just can't figure out why I am better at Augusta National, than on this kiddy 9.  It's perplexing."  That is also the story for Adam Jordan who has been unable to post a good number on this course.   "I don't know what it is, but if I lose anymore money to Stockett out here, my kids may not go to college.   It's disheartening."

Other players continued to improve...  Svoboda shot 2 under for the second week in a row, but fell one shot out of the lead, again.   The scores are getting lower, with 8 players shooting even par or better.   Next tour stop:   The Players Championship.

HIGH RISES ABOVE FIELD TO WIN THE PLAYERS
LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - On a waterlogged day here at the Player's Championship, Mike High shot a personal best 7 under (33 gross), for a two shot victory.  Torrential rains forced the Tour to implement "Lift, Clean and Place" during Wednesday's final round, but in the end, it was High who made it rain with the season's first eagle.

"I almost missed my drive on #2, and didn't even make it to the ladies' tee box," High said.  "After a driver off the deck, I was still left with 231 yards to the green.  I tried to hit a cut 3 wood, and it was tracking at the flag, but I was shocked when we couldn't find it anywhere near the green.  After a little searching near the woods, Paul Svoboda decided to take a look in the cup, and THE BALL WAS IN THERE!".  High's amazing play continued with a streak of pars interrupted only by his lone birdie on #8.  Per special COMMITTEE ruling, players measured their distance from the green on #8 before their approach, and proceeded to play that same distance in with a second ball on #9.  "It took me a while to understand what we were doing there," stated Jonathan Stockett, "I think THE COMMITTEE needs to find a better spokesman".  Adam Jordan, current spokesman and liason to THE COMMITTEE, was unavailable for comment.

Fantastic rounds by Jay Trieschmann, Chad Fellers, and Steve Manatt were overshadowed only by High's stellar play.  Clearly Mike was impacted by a leaked comment from an unknown COMMITTEE member.  "All I could think about while standing on the first tee was that someone had told me to 'Go low or go home'...so I went low, and then I went home."

Play continues next week at the Valero Texas Open.

TWITTY HOLDS ON FOR 1 SHOT VICTORY AT TEXAS OPEN 
LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP)- Paul Twitty posted an early score of 5 under par, and it held up, as he took the Valero Texas Open by 1 shot over Wess Daniels, Adam Jordan, and Doug Tapp.  "It was just steady," said Twitty.  He continued, "I snaked in one long putt, but other than that it was just a normal round, except that I won, which isn't normal, but fun anyway...wait- what was the question?"  Luck ran out for those chasing Twitty, as both chip and birdie attempts on hole #9 that would have forced a scorecard playoff fell a little short for Daniels and Jordan.  

While Twitty was snaking in putts, Chad Fellers was getting up close and personal with real snakes.  After hitting a shot near the rocks on #9, he came face to face with a 2 foot snarling moccasin. "It was in attack position," said Fellers, "His mouth was open 180 degrees. I was just glad to get out of there alive."

With the win, Twitty moved in to first place on the FTT Money List.  Play continues next week at the HP Byron Nelson Championship.

KAUFFMAN GOES LOW AGAIN TO WIN 2ND AT BYRON NELSON - TEENAGE SCREAMS HEARD WHEN NOTIFIED OF VICTORY

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - An early score of 8 under clinched another victory for Lance Kauffman on Wednesday.  His first victory since the Master's, one would think things were getting routine.  However when Kauffman was notified by phone of the victory, all that was heard was a celebration on the other line. 

"It sounded like a watch party," the unnamed COMMITTEE member who notified Kauffman said.  "You would have thought there was a group of people waiting for that phone call.  The picture I had in my mind was those draft day phone calls when the player gets picked, except all I could hear were teenage girls screaming. It was very peculiar."

When informed that American Idol was on at the same time the tournament finished up, and that there were watch parties all over town for that, the COMMITTEE member was a little irritated.  "If that's why players are posting early scores, then I'm calling a COMMITTEE meeting.  If men want to disgrace themselves by selling out to watch what a million teenagers text-vote on, that's their business.  This tour will not be disgraced though.  I don't care if the Idol is from Arkansas or not!"

Normally 8 under would run away with it, but a bevy of low scores kept this tournament in balance until the very end.  Eight players posted scores under par.  Matt Mclendon showed off his 2009 swing posting a 3-under 42, while the biggest shock out of the gate was to hear of Brian Muldrow's 5-under early posting of 39. 

"I thought we were all playing for 2^nd when I heard that," said Kent Boling.  "Then Manatt goes and fires 6-under in our group." 

"Manatt handed me his scorecard and said ‘here's your winner Jordan,'" Adam Jordan said.  "At 6 under, I was convinced he was our winner.  In fact, I gave him a big awkward hug that honestly wasn't reciprocated as much as I'm accustomed to with winning hugs.  Maybe I'll stick to the high 5 next time, or the jump bump like those NBA guys do when they announce starting line-ups."  

Doug Greenwood was in top form at 4-under.  "I came out here to get my money back from last week.  The guy that took it didn't have the courage to show up at 2:30 though," Greenwood said. 

The other headline of the afternoon were the gnats.  Although the weather and temperature couldn't have been more perfect for spring golf, the pests were aplenty.  "I needed a bee mask.  I feel like Dwight Schrute saying that, but it's true," said Wess Daniels.  "This towel over my head doesn't do the job."  Calls to local weathermen were unreturned, but it makes sense that more bugs are out with all the rain and moisture.

"This is why they have a ‘Mosquitofest' in McCrory," tour player Denver Peacock said.  "These mosquitos breed in the shallow stagnant water of the rice fields in east Arkansas.  Now you get a taste of what I grew up in."  When asked why he was standing around the First Tee when he hadn't posted a score all year, he answered "I love the media.  It's my job.  I don't always have time for golf, but I'll always take time to give a media quote or pose for a picture in one of our local mags.  Are you going to take a picture or not?"    

Sandbagging accusations continue to fly as well Wednesday afternoon, as Doug Tapp, 2008 champion and formerly scratch FTT'r, posted an ESC adjusted score of 45.  "Best T ball day all summer, worst score all summer," an early afternoon misspelled text said.  "Couldn't putt it in the ocean from the beach."  Reminds this writer of old Chinese proverb - TOO MANY EXCUSE WHEN NOT ASK REAK OF SOMETHING.

Play continues next week at the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial in Ft. Worth.

MANATT WINS TOUR'S 8^TH EVENT - VICTORY REMINISCENT OF 2008 WIN

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - OK everyone, push rewind.  It's the 8^th tour event of 2008.  Rain is in the forecast, but Manatt is on the tee.  Yes, it apparently takes 8 events to get Steve's game going, because this tour veteran and Director of Technology broke through for his first win in the 8th event of 2009 on Wednesday.    

"Manatt was just stellar today, striping fairways and knocking down flagsticks," said Doug Tapp, who played in his threesome.  "I mean he hit a 3 iron on #4 to about 12 feet, and his putter was on fire.  He was a couple wayward shots from par golf."

Attributing the success to a recent lesson he received from The Golf Channel, Steve continually deflected the praise.  When asked about the round, all he could do was rave about Doug Tapp's game.

"From the very first hole, I knew we were in for something special from Tapp," Manatt said.  "Off the tee, he's great fun to watch.  It sounds like a shotgun when he strikes the ball.  For such a big guy, he's also got great touch!  My favorite shot was his third on #2.  He's about 110 to the pin and took dead aim.  It hit just beyond the pin and spun back, missing the eagle by inches.  He then makes a 7 foot putt for birdie - poetry in motion!"

OK Steve... and Doug for that matter.  Enough of the lovefest.  Congratulations on the win, and all the newfound affection for one another's games.

Other storylines:

Denny breaks through with an even par 36 and first low gross championship.  "I felt called out by the morning email," he said.  "I hope the reporter considers my play the answer to the question.  There is no I in Quit... I mean in team.  The point is, I never quit, OK?  What I start, I finish.  Notice the green arrow on the scoreboard.  Plan to see it by my name each week."

"Sea Bass" comes close with a 50, net -5.  The downside?  See Bass's handicap dropped to an 18.

Twitty doesn't par a hole en route to a 47.  Can you say bogey, bogey, bogey, bogey, double, bogey, double, bogey, bogey? 

Tyler Denton played his first round of the season, posting a +4 score of 49.  His only comment was "I told you my handicap was off.  I thought I expressed my discontent to Player's Union Spokesperson and Liason to the COMMITTEE.  You know, Doug Tapp.  Obviously that guy has no sway with the COMMITTEE.  Who is the COMMITTEE anyway?  I've worked with all levels of government - state, federal, international... committees are what are formed for office birthday parties, not to adminstrate a tour like this."

Jay "Dish" Trieschmann was only tour player to birdie the back pin on #9 on Wednesday.  "Dish" had no comment, just an air guitar solo as he continued to rock his i-headphones on and off the course.  A text was returned, but the shorthand and lingo could not be deciphered, nor could this be understood --  ":0)" Why the big nose Dish?

Play continues next week at The Memorial.  Dubbed "Jack's place," Muirfield Village GC in Dublin, Ohio could be one of the more exciting tournaments of the year as we get to the half way point of the 18-week FTT Tour Season.

Greenwood gets first win at Memorial says "I'm proud to be an American".

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) -   It was fitting that "The Memorial" would be Doug Greenwood's first win on tour.   After all, Doug has been known to sing karaoke to Lee Greenwood's famous ballad "I'm Proud to be an American" and this is "The Memorial".

Doug was certainly proud on Wednesday, as he fired 7 under par (gross 37) to beat Lance Kaufman by one shot.    After the round, Greenwood commented, "I'm just glad Kaufman didn't win again.  Nobody wants to see that."    Kaufmann was unavailable for comment.   An unnamed source overheard Lance say to himself as he walked to the parking log, "Lance, you dog, you've won it again!"

Lance was later seen speeding home to check the FTT website sure that his 6 under par had secured his 3rd win on tour.  Not so fast Kauffman.  When asked about his own round, Greenwood said "I won this tournament on sheer determination.   After the rain delay on #1, I decided to win this one for all the troops oversees who have never heard me sing Lee Greenwood."

Play resumes next week at the St. Jude Classic.

JUNE 10, 2009

Tapp wins gross and net championship - 2008 champion breaks through for 1st win in 2009

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) -   Doug Tapp finally knocked the rust off Wednesday.  He fired a 36, net 5 under, to win the gross and net championships on Wednesday.  This is Tapp's first win since The Open Championship, a tournament won last year while wife and one-week old baby were at home.

"In retrospect, that was probably a bad decision last year.  It sort of shored up my championship run of 2008, but I haven't been a winner at home since then.  I think I'm finally getting back in form now after close to a year.  She only mentions it about once per week, but that's infrequent enough for me to block out when the lights come on."

"When he came out and won The Open last year, leaving a newborn and recovering wife at home, I knew this league meant something to him," said one player.  "I wish I had the opportunity to make that kind of statement to this tour, because this league is special."

Things were going Doug's way all day, as he reported "gutting every tee ball."

"You know though, my longest ball ever on 8 was dwarfed by Fellars," Tapp said.  I was only 220 out there, but Fellars was like 5 yards ahead of me.  He absolutely murdered that ball."  When asked about the estimated 324 yard drive, Fellars blushed.  He quickly pointed out that he bogeyed the hole, then reiterated he's in it to win it this year.

"The fellowship, the camraderie, that's all great.  I'm here to win.  I think if I keep playing with talent like Wess and Doug in the 5 o'clock group, things are going to get better.  This group pushes me more than the early group.  I mean, beating the dinner crowd with all the old people is great (referring to the early group's frequent Franke's and Luby's runs), but I don't even like cafeterias honestly... and I'm in my mid 30's for crying out loud." 

Tapp shrugged off questions about beating the defending St. Jude champion, Paul Twitty.  "Didn't even think about the significance of that," Tapp said, "never entered my mind."  Tapp ignored the growing rivalry and hostility between the two lately, and wouldn't bite on any loaded questions.  "Twitty and I hardly even talk anymore.  I mean, we text 20-25 times a day, but that's totally different.  Next question please."

Other storylines:

Paul Svoboda scores triple double.  8 on #8, 5 on #9.

John Denny, 3 handicapper, shoots 48.  This required the largest ESC adjustment in league history.  Gross 48, Net 43.  99 on the par 5's... ouch. 

Jay "Dish" Trieschmann is looking for a new putter... and a sports psychologist.  Please contact him if you can help with either.

Tour grinder Jonathan Stockett  missed Wednesday's tournament citing "work overload." 

Jeremy "Jerm" Collins confessed to hitting it in the woods on #8 for the 5th straight time Wednesday.  "It's mental," he said.  "It's all I can think about, beginning on #1 each week."

Wess Daniels arrived on the #8 green in only 2 shots Wednesday.  The score?  A 3-putt 5.

2 people birdied #9 in the last group on Wednesday.  Daniels & Tapp both putted in for birdies. 

www.fttgolf.com showed 57 hits between 8 and 10 p.m. last night from an Alabama IP address.  Mike Marquez, currently in 12th place and right on the Tour Championship cut line, has been vacationing there this week.  He was very interested in the results.  When asked by cell phone why he was overloading the server, he responded "COMMITTEE work."  "The tourney is supposed to be uploaded sooner than 9-9:30 the next day.  It is when I'm there.  My going to the website over and over has nothing to do with tour obsession or any other compulsive behavior."

Play resumes next week at the U.S. Open at Bethpage Black.

KAUFFMAN WINS AGAIN, HALFWAY TO GRAND SLAM AFTER DOMINATING U.S. OPEN

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (AP) - Lance Kauffman decimated the field here Wednesday at the season's second major, and took the U.S Open trophy by a record 4 shots.  With the victory, Kauffman takes his second consecutive major, closing in on the Grand Slam; as well as cementing his lead atop the FTT Money List.

After a week off from the tour, Kauffman said he was primed for the U.S. Open.  "I had many motivations," said Lance, "let me tell you about them."

"1. There's been talk about old guys and Luby's and early tee times...enough talk.  I came out here in prime time to show these young guns that we 40-somethings can still git er done.  2. I want the grand slam. I need the grand slam. Enough said.  3. I was at Disney World last week, and Mickey whispered something in my ear. He said,  'Gunga gulunga, Gunga gulunga'.  I'll never forget it as long as I live...also I think maybe there was some magic fairy dust that Tinkerbell dropped on me that took my game to another level, but since it may be a banned substance, don't print that.  4. I'm a pastor of humble means.  I need to feed my family.  Majors pay double which means we eat well, so I show up at the majors."

Not every player was thrilled by Kauffman's demeanor on the course.  "He was playing mind games out there," stated one player who asked to not be identified, "It's bad enough he beats us week in and week out, but does he have to demoralize us emotionally too?".  Kauffman had no comment on the matter.  "Winning heals all wounds," he said, "Tell that chump to win something and stop crying."

Play resumes next week at the Traveler's Championship.

DANIELS WINS LOW GROSS AND LOW NET

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) - Enough said.  WOW.  -5 @ The Travelers will do it!

DISH WINS! DISH WINS!  GREEN TEES FRIENDLY TO "MEAN GREEN" BAYLOR GRAD

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) - Baylor athletics doesn't have much to brag about these days, but maybe now they do.  Never mind, maybe they don't.  90's graduate Jay "Dish" Treischmann fired a 37, net -8, to win the John Deere Classic yesterday at the First Tee Tour.

"Holy costume party Batman, you've got to be kidding me," Dish said via text in response to the news of his victory.  "I'm shocked, but I though I could be in contention."

You are a winner Dish... bad quotes and all.

"I love me some green tees," he said.  "I was chipping on 1 and 7 and had less than 50 yards into 4.  Can't believe none of those were birdies.  Kent and I were chipping all day and only found 1 birdie.  You know, you just have to make putts no matter where you tee it up from." 

Matt McClendon had another strong day, firing a 38 and finishing 2nd at -7.  When asked how his Luby's dinner was after his early bird tee time with the other geriatrics, he said "if you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home."  Asked what in the world he was talking about, he mumbled something about Rome.  Go figure.

Also worthy of note were the gross low rounds fired.  Mike High fired a 33 with birdies on 1, 2 and 8.  Wess Daniels fired a bogeyless 34 with birdies at 1 and 9.  His putt on 9 was ultra clutch, coming back from 1 down on 9 to push the team bet he had with Tapp against Stockett and Jordan.

"I'd like to dedicate that putt on 9 to Jordan's mom," Daniels said.  "No, I take that back... I dedicate that to every woman in Jordan's family.  Mom's side, Dad's side, grandma's, Memaw's... all of 'em!" 

Jonathan Stockett didn't play too shabby either, firing a 35.  "You know from the greens (tees), this score feels weak.  You'd have to be a pervert to enjoy the feelings I went through out there today."  Stockett, who fired a tour record 31 from the black tees, has an enigmatic game.

"I tell you, at times that guy looks like a PGA Tour Player," one tour player said.  "Other times though his swing looks like an octupus putting out a lawnchair."

Play resumes next week at the season's 3rd major... the British Open at Turnberry.  Doug Tapp is the defending champion.  "Let's see if we can't knock about 10 shots off that 'deere' 41," Tapp said. 

PAR NET EAGLE ON 4 CLINCHES OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP FOR FELLERS

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) - Going off in the final pairing of the day was fitting for Chad Fellers as he went on to win his first major Wednesday afternoon.  Taking advantage of a pairing with one of the nice guys on tour, Steve Manatt, Fellers fired a 44 (net 33) to force a playoff with Wess Daniels.  The playoff didn't go long though, as Fellers shut it down on the hardest hole on the course with an unlikely par net eagle. 

"After a bogey/double/double start, I never anticipated following it with a couple of pars," Fellers said.  "I was fired up about not getting any press coverage before the match.  Just wanting keep flying under the radar." 

Tough playing conditions, accented by high humidity, make this a big, big win.  The twelve that played all admitted to this being the toughest conditions to date.

"The rough was so high and the swamp butt so bad, I don't know how anybody broke par today," one tour player said.

"That hole was crazy," playing partner Steve Manatt said in reference to #4.  "Fellers is a lefty you know.  Well, he pulls his drive a little right off the tee.  He then pulls his 2nd shot almost in the hazard on the right... down by the rocks.  I bet he had 40-50 yards to the pin.  He hits a shot to 10 feet then makes the putt."

"What if the playoff would've gone to the next hole," runner-up Wess Daniels asked.  Daniels had a bogey net par on #4 after pushing his 2nd shot in the greenside trap.  He was visibly troubled by such a narrow loss at a major.  Daniels had a run of 3 consecutive 10-15 foot putts roll in for him on 6, 7 and 8, two of which were for birdies.

"The way the putts were rolling in for Daniels, I thought it was going to be his day," playing partner Adam Jordan said.  "Those greens were furrier than Stockett's back before his quarterly waxing.  Anyone who was dropping 'em on those greens had a little fate working for them IMO."

Asked what IMO meant, Jordan clarified "in my opinion."  "Sorry, sometimes my verbal skills get tripped up and intertwined with message board communication.  FYI, we're close to football season," he said.

Fellers read a short statement at the post tournament press conference, held impromptu at the scorer's table.  "You know, I'm not used to playing with the big boys at 5 o'clock," he said tearing up.  "I think people will begin to see I belong in these pairings now.  I now have victories at the World Golf Championships (2008) and a major.  Maybe the FTT foreign press will show me a little more love than that $@#**!! American FTT press.  That is all.  No more interviews please.  I've got to get home to celebrate this one with my family."

Other highlights Wednesday included:

Tyler Denton shooting a 53 that only ESC'd to a 52.  "Count me out for that 7 a.m. Saturday tee time.  Think I need to take a little time off," he said.

Mike High shooting a 46.  What?!?

Adam Jordan throwing his 8 iron on 6 fifty plus yards.  "Break please," he yelled as it helicoptered up the hill. 

Jeremy Collins finished double-bogey-double to drop from 7 under to 2 under over the last 3 holes.  "I can't finish.  I can't explain it.  I'm trying to make the top 12 so I can play down at the Village in the Championship... doing all I can, I just can't finish these days."

Paul Svoboda continues to grind, firing his 2nd 39 in 3 weeks.  "My handicap is still a 6," he said.  When asked what he would do when the 48 drops after next week, he said "It does?  Well we only have 4 more weeks... will have to pick and choose what tourneys I play.  I'm right there on the cut line at #11."

No highlights from Stockett or Marquez since they didn't play.  More surprisingly was the lack of  post-round text messages.  Disinterest abounds for these 2 perennial grinders who find themselves in the 13 and 14 on the money list respectively.  Word around the clubhouse is that they may have gone a little "big time" lately, since both are sporting Alotian golf tags on their bags.

"I don't know if they care about this league anymore," one tour member said.  "I noticed they  both seem aloof and distant... then I saw the bag tags and it all makes sense now.  Don't tell anyone I said this, but to me that puts a target on their back when they're out here."

Next week the tour heads north to the RBC Canadian Open.  Defending Champion Kent Boling has agreed to be this year's host.  "Don't look for any silly Canadian court jester hats out of me," Boling said.  "I do hope we can make this one of the better tournaments for our players though."

Mannatt Goes Low - Wins RBC in a Landside

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) | Steve Manatt fired a 2009 personal best 41 on Wednesday to win the RBC Canadian open in a blow out victory.   Steve's 41 was a net 9 under and may be to a tour record (if the committee actually kept records).    The rest of the field had no answer for Steve's record round.    After the round Steve said, "I've been grinding out here all summer.   It feels great to finally break through.  I only wish more people could have seen me play."

In a sign of just how severe the recession is getting, Paul Twitty, a pharmeceutical rep, was seen playing with Doctor Hayat who is one of his customers.   Hayat was thrilled to be treated to such an exquisite golfing experience at First Tee.   Twitty said, "Look, if he wants to go to a nicer course, he better write some more prescriptions."     The Obama administration had no comment on how golf outings would be treated in the health care bill.    

Mike High shot a 39 again, which is probably a tour record for shooting 39 in a single season.

See you next week at the $5.1M Buick Open.

6 UNDER CLINCHES WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP FOR FELLERS /FINAL GROUP PAIRING SET FOR PGA

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) - Chad Fellers has found his groove it seems.  The 10 handicapper from Little Rock captured his 2nd victory in 3 weeks on Wednesday firing a 40, net 6 under, at the WGC.  The victory puts him in 3rd place and a possible victory away from winning the league.

"'Groove' about sums it up," Fellers said.  "I was rolling pretty good out there.  The greens were fuzzy, but that kinda suits my eye honestly.  The birdie on #9 was the icing on the cake."  When told of his position and standing going into the final week, Fellers confidently responded "Game on.  Time to send Kauffman on sabbatical!"

Fellers beat 6 handicapper Paul Svoboda straight up by 4 shots in the 5 p.m. group on Wednesday.

"Well obviously I wasn't on my game today," Svoboda said.  "This isn't about me though.  Props to Fellers on some solid play.  You know, that guy can just flat out take it long!  Mylanta!  Can he make the ball fly off the face!"

The rest of the tourney was fairly uneventful.  Adam Jordan did cite a personal achievement on the par 3's on Wed.  "I birdied 'em both.  Rolled in a fuzzy wobbler on #3 after a hybrid up the hill.  I was recovering from a driver-driver-driver-shank-chip-2-putt-double on #2.  It was a nice bounce back.  Then I rolled in about a 15' on #9, which also won me $15 from Tyler.  That'll get you an appetizer, entree and a Japanese beer at Pei Wei by the way."

Highlights from the final group (as reported by an "anonymous onlooker/blogger"):

Kaufman so blatantly padded his handicap it was painful for each to watch, Twitty was overheard confronting him numerous times, to which K replied "Hey, I've got the season wrapped up and a tourney to worry about!"

Kaufman's guest, a very large lineman for the Twisters, could have easily taken out the whole group with a hand tied behind his back.  As he lined up his tee shot on each hole, which was usually about 3 club links out in front of the tee markers, not a word was said.  Many FTT members continued to look at each other dumbfounded.

Twitty seemed overly worried with the rules, as he was overheard many times quoting from the PGA rule book if someone tried to move their ball from a rock or wipe some mud from it. 

High played steady golf, except for a few 3 putts...he once said, these greens just aren't as fast as Torrey Pines or Augusta.  (he has played both in the last couple months).  Those church business trips are rough I tell ya.

Tapp set a record for bodily sweat and hit 2 OB en route to an ugly 39.  This won the low gross for the week. 

In a strange twist of events and apparent fatal FTT-taction, Paul Twitty was reported to have been seen sitting in a running car in his garage covered in gasoline and a razor blade in each hand Wed night after finding out  that Tapp won low gross.  This was quite troubling to hear, and puzzling as well.  Twitty currently sits in 2nd place and is a high finish away from winning it all. 

"Twitty has always been unpredictable," one player said.  "He is driven and motivated by things that most of us can't possibly understand.  He never got through the 'wounds' section of Men's Fraternity-Quest for Authentic Manhood.  I'll just leave it at that."

Checkout the standings as we go into the last week - The PGA Championship at Hazeltine.  Kauffman, Fellers and Twitty are set to battle it out for the championship.  It could be one for the ages.  For all you who feel on the outside looking in, don't forget the top 12 make the post-season championship.  There are several right on the cut line there, which will also be interesting.  See you next week.

PGA TO HIGH, REGULAR SEASON TO KAUFFMAN, POST-SEASON CHAMPIONSHIP TO BOLING

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS (FTTAP) - OK, let's push rewind.  We have some catching up to do as we close out the year.  Mike High fired an even par, net 3-under, 36 to capture the PGA Championship on 8/12.    This vaulted High to a third place finish on tour for the year. 

"Well, I accomplished my goals this year.  I played well and proved to myself this league wasn't just a high handicapper league.  I was within a tournament W of getting this thing done.  That will be my motivation this fall and spring as I prepare for the league next year."

Meanwhile, Kauffman sat back on his laurels and coasted to a 1st place finish overall, winning close to $7 million dollars for the summer. 

"I wish this weren't Monopoly money," Kauffman said.  "Speaking of Monopoly money, I paid real money to join this tour.  When is my payday?"  "See Mike (Marquez)," the reporter replied. 

The FTT post season was a soaker Sunday, but that didn't keep 9 of 12 qualifiers from showing up and grinding it out for the championship at Isabella.  Heck, there were even a couple non-qualifying stragglers that showed up to play in the rain.  After a LONG, SLOW and WET day, Kent Boling came out on top.  Scores and FTT Post-season Championship results below:

1.  Boling -7 (81)

2.  Jordan -5 (75)

3.  Daniels +1 (75)

4.  High +3 (81)

T5.  Manatt +4 (102)

T5. Tapp +4 (84)

T7. Greenwood +7 (89)

T7. Fellers +7 (95)

9.  Collins +11 (99) 

I heard many descriptions of our 16 handicapped Champion's play.  Terms like "en fuego," "unreal," and "mind boggling," were a few.  Still others, were mystified by the coming out party for Boling. 

"81 from the tips in the rain is pretty salty for a 16 handicap.  Aside from a putting meltdown I hit the ball about as good as I can and hobbled in an 84," 2008 Champion Doug Tapp said.  "Those were incredibly tough conditions.  We'll just call him 'Clark Kent' for his superman heroics."

Boling was reached by phone late Sunday night, but could not be comprehended through the background noise.  It sounded like he was attending quite the party to celebrate the  championship. 

Well, that's about it guys.  Congrats again to our winners.  Stay tuned for 2010 information in the coming months.  Upcoming COMMITTEE discussions will center around handicap modifications, new payment/disbursement of funds via Paypal, website updates and other items that will help the league stay true to it's "kaizen" philosophy of continuous improvement. 

Have a good fall and winter.  I'll end with the words of the most interesting man in the world:  stay thirsty my friends.